


Turning Pages

by suggestivesloth



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:33:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9078859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suggestivesloth/pseuds/suggestivesloth
Summary: Victor's return to professional skating has seen him winning bronze at the Russian Championships.Bronze? That's not right?But that's not all that is wrong.Victor is in pain.Its all just fallen into place, but now is it going to fall apart?





	1. Victor Nikiforov

**Author's Note:**

> This is my Secret Santa gift for baebot on tumblr!  
> He asked for hurt/comfort, but its from Victor's POV to start with, and unfortunately I think his hurt spiraled out of control and this is not a one off fic. its going to go for a while.  
> So with much luck, this will be a gift that keeps on giving?

Victor felt okay. In fact he was probably happy. But he didn't want to think too hard about it, just in case this was the only happy time he got. He was certain that once he cooled down and thought about it, after flunking out of the russian championships in his comeback routine, he was certain that everything would crash. Because even though he felt okay now, his knee was really hurting.

The podium was overwhelming, everyone cheered for him and it was almost embarrassing, that the bronze medal winner garnered more applause than the gold medal winner. And now christmas was on it's way. Yuri had said no gifts for each other this year. Which Victor guessed he was okay with.

The press was pushing forward for interviews, and normally he would have let them, but there was a face in the throng of people that he was searching for. He said what he could to appease the journalists shoving microphones in his face, but he took off as quickly as he could. 

He knew that Yuri had been watching and would be worried, but Yakov had been crystal clear. ‘Once this is done, we are getting a professional opinion.’ 

He pushed through towards the locker room, and began unlacing his skates. Thankfully none of the other skaters spoke to him, he guessed it was the air he was putting on. But maybe they knew. That they were witnessing the fall of Victor Nikiforov.

Yuri didn't come to the locker room. Victor was grateful for that. As much as he wanted to see him, he knew his facade would fall to pieces the moment he saw those big brown eyes, worrying for him.

After all, there was no need to panic. It was probably no big deal, a growing pain or a strain from coming back into the competition after a year off. It would probably be a couple of ice packs and a week or two of rest, and he would be right as rain.

Yakov snagged him at the exit and managed to get them into the car without too much notice. Victor tried not to limp.

The trip to the hospital was a blur. When they arrived, a nurse whisked them into a private room, away from the eyes of the other waiting patients. Waiting was horrible. It took two hours for a doctor to visit the room, and a very quick examination to tell him what the problem was.

Victor had torn his left anterior cruciate ligament. The swelling was becoming uncomfortable, and at this point, victor was glad he had opted for a soft, loose pair of tracksuit pants, as opposed to the stiffer trousers he usually wore as Yuri’s coach. But all of this was a distraction. Yuri still hadn’t arrived.

‘We will have to do an MRI to observe the full damage as accurately as possible.’ the doctor pushed his heavy dark rimmed glasses up his nose, and advised Victor that he would be at the hospital for the next few hours, to fit him in today, as well as how the process of an MRI worked. Victor held his smile in place for the doctor, nodded in all the right places, and spun the ring on his left hand with the fingers on his right.

When the doctor left the room, Yakov turned to Victor and apologised. He was needed elsewhere. He was a busy man after all. He left, and Victor was left in the little waiting room, alone.

Another hour passed, Victor filling his time with the endless feed of instagram. People who looked far too happy about various things. People who showed the same mask he did when he was sharing photos with the world.

He felt too old to be 27. His heart felt so empty.

Then his phone buzzed in his hand, Yuri was calling.

‘Where are you?’ he said, urgent but hushed.

‘I'm at the hospital,’ Victor said.

‘Yeah, what room are you in?’

‘I think I’m just off the emergency room, I’ll poke my head out.’ he went to stand, but his left knee refused to support him, and he fell forward, sending one of the chairs in the room clattering into the wall.

‘Victor, what was that?’

His voice wasn’t only on the phone now. He could hear him through the door, and when he looked up at him, poking his head through the door, from the floor of this little room, he felt his mask crack completely.

‘Oh my God.’ Yuri dropped his phone on the floor, and Victor heard the screen crack, as he kicked the door closed behind him and helped Victor off the ground. Everything sped up. It was like the colour in the world was seeping back in, but so was the pain and so was Victor’s panic. 

Yuri managed to sit him on the bed, before victor started hyperventilating and tears started flowing from his eyes. He was trying to tell Yuri everything. But all that was coming out was wet blubbery nonsense.

Everything was going black around the edges, and he felt himself sliding sideways the hollow ring of Yuri’s voice talking to him echoing in his ears.


	2. Victor Nikiforov

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out more about what is going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was written immediately after i finished the first chapter, so i dont really have anything to say, except that im sorry this is so angsty!!!!!  
> and that its again a short one....

Victor opened his eyes. Yuri was beside him, sitting by the bed. An IV had been hooked up to his arm, and his knee was cold, and arched over a pillow.

‘Hey, sleepy,’ Yuri looked like Victor felt. Except that his eyes were red.

‘Sorry I… how long was I out?’

‘It’s been a couple of hours since you fainted. But the doctor said you were probably running on adrenaline, and he let you sleep through the MRI and all that.’

‘Oh.’ 

‘Yeah.’ Yuri ran a hand over his face, under his glasses. ‘They wouldn’t tell me anything, Victor, so I don’t really know what is going on. Would you like me to get the doctor so he can tell us what he thinks?’

‘Um, yeah.’

Yuri stood and exited the room briefly before coming back with the same doctor who had seen him when he came in. Yuri stiffly came and sat back in his chair beside Victor. The doctor uncomfortably glanced between the two of them when Victor didn’t move to ask him to leave.

‘Mr Nikiforov, as I told you before you have a torn ACL. We were able to perform an MRI while you were asleep, and I received the images a little over an hour ago.’

Yuri was silent, but Victor watched him instead of the doctor. He was certain he didn't want to hear what he was going to say next, but Yuri was hanging off his every word.

‘It looks as though it's torn almost completely away from the tibia, for a younger athlete we would operate and with rehabilitation you could be on the ice again in a year or two.’

Yuri’s hand had covered his mouth, tightly clamped over his face, he could see his jaw muscles working furiously under his skin. But the doctor continued.

‘Considering your age, I have decided that we should operate, however, regardless of whether we operate or not, you will never be able to return to ice skating professionally. I have some paperwork to prepare and we are hoping to get you into surgery within the next 12 hours. The surgery will mean we take out the torn ligament and replace it with a piece of ligament probably from your thigh, that will encourage more ligament tissue to grow…’

Victor was barely listening as the doctor told him what to expect prior to surgery. When Yuri began to silently cry, tears running freely down his face while his hand still firmly holding his mouth shut, Victor had to look away. He stared up at the ceiling counting the black speckles on one of the white roof tiles until he heard the doctor leave the room. His hands which had been clutching the sheets came up to his face.

What was this feeling? He wasn’t numb, but his emotions were so dull.

‘I’m sorry Yuri, I won’t be able to skate with you at the Grand Prix.’

He felt Yuri’s shock beside him.

‘Victor, how are you so calm?’ his voice was wavering.

A breath he didn't realise he was holding shook out of him as his eyes went blurry and filled with tears, just as quickly as they fell from his eyes. He noticed that he wasn’t wearing his ring. And then Yuri’s face came into view, blocking the light, and his lips crashed down on his. 

This kiss was something new to Victor entirely. Yuri was telling him in no uncertain words that he was here, that he wasn’t going anywhere and that he was hurting for Victor. The salty tears that invaded the kiss made it so wet, and Yuri was being so firm and almost demanding. Their lips sliding together heavy breaths into each others mouths. When it ended, Victor couldn’t do anything but cry.

Yuri grabbed hold of Victor’s hand.

‘What would you like me to do?’ his voice was thick. His eyes were blotchy and pink, his eyelashes clumped in wetness. Even his glasses looked wet.

‘Would you like me to stay with you here?’ he sniffed. ‘Or should I go check on Maccachin?’

Victor took his time deciding. He didn't really want to do this alone. But he knew that the poodle would be beside himself wondering where they were.

‘Can you stay with me until I go into surgery? After that you can check on Maccachin… I… don’t want to call Yakov alone.’

‘We can call Yakov later.’

‘He will need to know at least why you won’t be at the rink training tomorrow.’

‘I can call him, then. You don’t have to.’

Before Victor could argue and tell him why he needed to be the one to call, two people entered the room, one was the anesthetist and the other was an orderly, who was taking him to the operating theatre.

They asked lots of questions like the last time he ate, if he needed to go to the bathroom, his height, weight, allergies. Then they agreed that it was time and he was going to theatre.

Yuri squeezed Victor’s hand and promised he would be there when Victor woke up. As he was wheeled away, Victor felt his mask settle back in place, but it was a bit cracked. Because instead of being numb, he felt a bit of dispair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look forward to the next chapter being in Yuri's POV.


	3. Yuri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri is feeling deeply, but for the sake of helping Victor, will he be able to tamp them down and give Victor the support he needs?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi pals, sorry this has taken a while to be posted. currently i am meant to be on christmas holidays, but i have also been getting ready to move house, and me and my husband have been working really hard every day since boxing day to try and get this place ready! (im so tired!!)
> 
> hope you enjoy the newest chapter.
> 
> also, its unbeta'd

Yuri took a deep breath, staving off the tears that he knew were right there. If he could be strong for anyone, it was Victor. If he could do anything for anyone, it was Victor. The doors had swung closed. The empty hospital room was suffocating with the smell of the industrial cleaners. Yuri took a deep breath. He cleared his throat. Difficult, around the massive frog that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his windpipe. He wiped his eyes and slid his phone out of his pocket.

‘Yuri, how is Victor?’ Yakov’s gravelly voice rang from the phone.

‘He is, not great.’ Yuri pushed his glasses up his nose and walked to the window. ‘He has just gone into surgery, and the doctor didn't say much, except that the ACL has completely torn.’

Yakov let out a soft stream of curses as his breath left his lungs. ‘What about the recovery time?’

‘The doctor said-’ Yuri had to hold his breath, just for a moment, because he could feel his control cracking. ‘He said that a younger athlete could expect to be back competitively in around two years.’

‘Der’mo.’

‘He, uh, he wanted me to let you know that we won’t be at the rink tomorrow.’

‘Of course, yes.’

‘Um.’

‘Yuri?’

‘I said I would go check on the dog, but I am worried that if I leave, they won’t let me back in.’

‘Call me when you are going back to the hospital, I will make sure you can go in.’

‘Thanks Yakov. I’ll do my best to keep you updated.’

Yakov grunted before ending the call. 

Yuri sucked in a breath and held it again. He could feel tear after hot tear falling down his face as he stared down into a courtyard. There were trees that were bare and practically invisible under a smattering of snow. He looked up and in the window across the yard was a little kid, a girl with wavy hair leaning against the bed of someone older. Talking animatedly to the patient, who Yuri couldn’t see.

He wiped his face dry on the hem of his scarf and without giving himself any time to think too hard, Yuri determinedly walked out of the room, out of the hospital and climbed into a taxi.

His phone buzzed in his hand and glancing at the screen he saw a text from Pitchit. But he couldn’t handle it right now, and slid his phone into the pocket of his jeans.

The taxi ride seemed to blur away and before he could think clearly about what he had to do, he was already out the front of Victor’s apartment building. He paid the taxi driver, and clambered up the stairs to the front door of the apartment, high on the seventeenth floor.

Maccachin nearly bowled him over once Yuri managed to get the door open around his freezing cold fingers. Once inside he poured a scoop of Maccachin’s dry food into his bowl and the dog took his time eating. 

The apartment was different without Victor in it. They didn't live together, but Yuri always thought that the apartment seemed the height of fashion, and was very sleek and designer. But now he could see that there didn't seem to be much here, that showed this was Victor Nikiforov’s house. Let alone it just being a bachelor’s crash pad. It was neat and tidy, the dishes were stacked neatly on the sink, the table next to the kitchen had been wiped down, a blanket was draped over one end of the couch and one lone cushion rested against it. The remotes for the TV and DVD player were placed on the middle of the coffee table and the TV hung from the wall, the cabinet below betraying not even a thin layer of dust.

He could even see through the open door into Victor’s bedroom, where his bed was immaculately made, his bedside table clear. It seemed to be empty. Aside from Maccachin, there was nothing that tied Victor to this place.

Yuri made up his mind on what he was going to do. He clipped on Maccachin’s lead and they left, locking up the apartment on the way out.

Yuri’s apartment building was only a five minute walk away, and at quite a brisk clip, he made it into his apartment on the third floor in no time, Maccachin in tow.

Collecting all his belongings took no time at all, there was a grand total of two large suitcases and a backpack. He had left most of his big belongings at home, in Japan, bringing only his most practical items, his parents intending to ship stuff over to him as he needed it. He slung the backpack on his shoulders and looped Maccachin’s lead over his arm so he could drag a suitcase in each hand.

Walking back to Victor’s apartment took around twenty minutes. Dragging two suitcases through the snow, with a curious and boisterous dog was harder than Yuri wanted to admit. Dragging everything up seventeen flights of stairs, was a nightmare.

Upon entering the apartment, Yuri barely managing to unclip Maccachin’s lead before he was dragged half way across the room, opened the cases on the edge of the living room and began finding places to put his things. VIctor’s enormous walk in wardrobe managed to take pretty much everything, a special spot for various pairs of skates, shelves and hanging space, drawers and cubbies for clothes and shoes and pretty much anything a man needed. Even the suitcases, stacking on the top shelf beside Victor’s but Yuri had a few photo frames that he put on the TV cabinet, and his pillow, and PJ’s he left on the couch.

Yes, he was Victor’s partner, but he couldn’t imagine sleeping in Victor’s bed without him. Particularly when it was his first night staying in the apartment and Victor wasn’t there.

Wait. hang on a second. Yuri paced from the kitchen to the window on the opposite wall. Shit. Victor was going to really have a problem this time surely. He was going to think Yuri was crazy, like some kind of stalker!

Surely he could hire a carer to look after him while he was recovering, he probably didn't want Yuri that way. 

No, Yuri knew that if he was alone all day, Victor would psych himself out and probably be depressed in a month. Doing this was for Victor’s own good.

He turned back to the kitchen and paced back to the fridge. There was nothing in it. Except for some condiments and butter.

He probably should have asked Victor first though, oh man, he was going to crack it when he got home!

He paced back to the window. Well, he would at least not sleep in Victor’s bed while he wasn’t here. He probably wouldn’t sleep in his bed when he was back anyway. 

Snow was falling. Stressing himself into a tizz wasn’t going to help him now. Not when he had to get back to Victor in the hospital. He checked his phone for the time, and saw that he had missed a number of texts from Pitchit, a couple from Yuri Plisetski, and there was even a message from Yakov. The others could wait, but Yakov’s said, ‘I checked with the hospital and made sure you were allowed in, they said they wouldn’t have stopped you anyway, since Victor put you down as his emergency contact.’

Yuri sent off a quick reply thanking Yakov for checking up with the hospital for him and saying he would keep him in the loop.

It had already been two hours and forty five minutes since Victor had been wheeled off to surgery. Yuri supposed it was time to get back to the hospital. He gave Maccachin a quick pat while ordering a taxi on the phone and locked up behind himself, trudging down the steps.

He sat in the taxi and pulled his phone out of his pocket. As much as he would like to ignore the messages on there, the little red circle reading ‘17’ was so much of an eyesore that he had to at least read them.

 

_ Yurio: hey porky i didn't see victor after the comp. _

 

_ Yurio: oy what happened? Yakov said that he had to take victor to the hospital _

 

_ Yurio: dont ignore me _

 

_ Yurio: whatever _

 

_ Yuri: i cant say anything without talking to victor first. ill let you know what is going on when ive spoken to the doctors and him. _

 

As much as Yuri had apparently warmed up to him, he knew that he was still on thin ice with the younger skater. It still seemed sort of like a miracle that he was texting him so easily.

 

_ Pitchit: I saw Victor’s skate on the live stream _

 

_ Pitchit: it looked pretty good _

 

_ Pitchit: until that fall _

 

_ Pitchit: it kinda sucks because he didn't really recover from it well _

 

_ Pitchit: i mean _

 

_ Pitchit: he was on the podium _

 

_ Pitchit: but he didn't win gold _

 

_ Pitchit: i hope he can pick it up in the next comp _

 

_ Pitchit: and then hopefully we can all skate together at the grand prix _

 

_ Pitchit: that would be the best _

 

_ Pitchit: he didn't hurt himself did he? _

 

_ Pitchit: yuri? _

 

He decided not to text back his friend just yet, as much as Pitchit would be a great distraction, he needed to focus on Victor right now, and Yuri knew that somehow Pitchit would weasel more information out of him than he really wanted to divulge right now.

 

_ Mum: Let me know how Victor did in the Russian World Cup. Thinking of you both. XOXO _

 

Since his mum very rarely looked at her phone, he figured he could leave her waiting a little longer as well.

The taxi pulled up at the drop off area of the hospital. Yuri paid and made his way inside towards the information desk.

‘Hi, I was just wondering if you could tell me what is happening with Victor Nikiforov’s surgery, and if he is out, what room he is in?’

The clerk, a stout lady with angelic blue eyes and dark brown hair lazily pulled back into a ponytail at the base of her skull stared up at him.

‘I’m sorry, I am not able to give out any information to any members of the press or any people not expressly permitted by Mr. Nikiforov or his coach Mr. Feltsman.’

‘If you actually look on his patient file you’ll see me there, I’m his emergency contact. My name is Yuri Katsuki.’

The lady narrowed her eyes at him, but proceeded to look at her computer screen, and verify his story. Her eyes seemed to widen in surprise, but she quickly recovered, taking a pen and a scrap of paper and writing down the location of Victor’s room, before surreptitiously handing it to Yuri. 

‘Just in case anyone is listening,’ she said

Yuri smiled and nodded along. Though he was pretty sure that no one in the wider skating community let alone the press knew that Victor was even injured yet. He thanked her and began walking to the location written on the paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, because when i get anxious, my brain just stops working, i hope i have done yuri justice when trying to put it out there how stressed he is.
> 
> if you have free time and would like to chat, feel free to hit me up on tumblr, where my url is also suggestivesloth!
> 
> if you want to take mercy and beta for me, also feel free to drop me a line there. 
> 
> xx


	4. Victor Nikiforov

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi you fantastic people  
> thank you so much for reading and commenting and leaving kudos, i really appreciate it, it is so nice to wake up to a new email!  
> on another note, i am so sorry it has taken me weeks to update! i also havent updated my other fic in even longer so i am seriously in my own very bad books.
> 
> anyway. i hope you enjoy the chapter!

When Victor felt himself wake up, the first thing he felt was a whopper of a headache. His mouth was dry, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, his eyes felt stuck closed and then he remembered. He had just been in surgery for his knee. It was up on a pillow or something, but felt like it had been stuffed with cotton wool. He couldn’t really feel it, but he felt pressure around his thigh and around his calf.   
When he tried to open his eyes. It took a little while for them to focus on his surroundings and the first thing was those hideous speckled white roof tiles. He was lying flat on his back. And all of a sudden he realised the uncomfortable pressure in his back and hips from lying too flat for too long. He looked around, a nurse was sitting nearby. She seemed to be reading something on her phone.  
He tried to get her attention, but the words wouldn’t come out right. He wasn’t sure what he sounded like exactly, or why the words weren’t coming out right but he knew he wasn’t making sense.  
She heard him and came over to the bed. ‘Hi there Mr. Nikiforov, how are you feeling?’  
My back hurts and i just want to bend my knee. Was what he was thinking, but he couldn’t say it, and instead of actually managing to bend his knee, he only wiggled his foot from side to side on the bed. He tried to grab the railing, and pull his body more upright, and the nurse stacked a pillow behind him, but he still felt that he needed to bend his hip and knee.  
However his muscles refused to comply and he couldn’t lift his knee to relieve the pressure on his back. Victor began to feel impatient, and tried to tell the nurse what he wanted again, as she was standing there beside him.  
‘I'm sorry, I don’t understand what you are saying,’ she said.  
He tried to tell her again, this time separating the words and trying to make sure he said them right. It was probably the anaesthetic, but he was getting distressed by his inability to communicate.  
‘Are you in pain?’ she said.  
Victor in his panic agreed, and gestured towards his other knee, and imitated pulling, but the nurse was not listening. Instead she said, ‘I'm going to give you some morphine Mr. Nikiforov, I'll just add it to your drip and it will take effect in less than ten minutes.’  
No, he tried to say, he shook his head, and he tried to imitate pulling up his knee again, but she was sticking the syringe into the tube on the back of his hand.  
He could feel hot tears dripping down his face. No, no, no!  
A sob escaped his lips.  
‘It's okay, it will feel better in no time,’ she said patting his shoulder.  
Almost straight away, he felt sick. He felt himself start to heave and he put his hand over his mouth, instinctively. He rolled to the side, putting more pressure on the hip he was wanting to relieve and felt himself retch loudly.  
‘Oh, goodness,’ the nurse hurried to hand him a vomit bag as his stomach tried to force the nothing that was in it, out through his mouth. She grabbed his hand and injected another syringe of liquid into the IV. It made his arm go cold as it travelled outward from the spot on his hand.  
Between heaves, Victor could hear himself making a weird keening sound, the tears were still rolling out of his eyes, fat and hot. He supposed he was crying.  
It took a minute, but the sick feeling and retching stopped.  
The nurse piled a blanket over his naked back and he felt his eyes rolling around. Then Yuri opened the door and came in. He couldn’t understand what he and the nurse were saying to each other. But the nurse continued to fuss, checking his blood pressure and breathing and whatever. Yuri dragged a chair to the side of the bed and after taking the sick bag out of Victor’s hand, and giving it to the nurse, he held his hand.  
Victor didn't hear himself making that weird noise any more. But he could feel himself falling asleep again. He didn't want to sleep, and more big hot tears rolled out.  
‘It's okay,’ he heard Yuri say. ‘I’ll be here, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you wake up.’  
His voice lulled him to sleep.

When Victor opened his eyes, Yuri was sitting in exactly the same place. His hand was still in Victor’s though he was looking at something on his phone screen. His mouth felt stuck together like it had the last time he woke, and this time his injured knee felt less stuffed with cotton wool, and more itchy. The headache had faded.  
Victor opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, trying to get it to feel less dry. Then Yuri looked over at him. He looked tired.  
‘How long was I asleep?’ he wondered.  
‘A couple of hours. It’s almost 3am.’  
Victor had no idea what to do with that information, since the last time he knew what the time was, he had been arriving at the hospital and panicking that he was alone when Yakov left. And that was around twelve hours ago.  
Yuri looked tired. His eyes were rimmed in red and his hair was a little bit all over the place, now that it was growing out a bit, it was easier to tell that he had a nervous habit of playing with his hair.  
Victor couldn’t believe the words came out of his mouth the moment that he thought them, because he didn't want Yuri to agree at all. ‘Do you want to go home and get some rest?’  
Yuri’s mouth twisted for a moment, but then he looked at Victor and smiled a tight lipped smile.  
‘No, you only just woke up! I wouldn’t be very good company if I only hung around while you were sleeping.’  
Victor felt the relief flood him, and he felt calm enough to smile back at Yuri. Just a little one.  
‘What do you want to talk about?’ Yuri said, flipping his phone into his jacket pocket.  
‘I don’t want to kill my buzz, but maybe since I’m hopped up on painkillers, now would be a good time to hear what is going on, properly.’  
Yuri’s mouth twisted again. But he nodded and started to tell Victor what had happened, starting with what the doctor said before he went into surgery. Victor held his breath trying not to feel broken hearted when Yuri reminded him the doctor had said he would never skate professionally again. Strangely that feeling, was muted. Maybe it was the pain killers.  
‘The nurse said you had a bad reaction to the morphine she gave you, but that it is a pretty normal reaction, and you were very distressed when I walked in. They’ve been checking your condition about every half hour, but they haven’t been in for 45 minutes now, so they are probably dropping it back to every hour now.  
‘Pitchit has been messaging me about your routine, and he thought you may have been hurt, but I don’t know how to tell him what is going on, Yurio has asked me a few times but is currently waiting for me to tell him what is going on. And Yakov has been texting every hour or so to check up on you.  
‘I took this picture of Maccachin for you while we were on our walk earlier. And also I just, um, decided to, carryallmystufftoyourplaceandmoveinsoIcouldlookafteryou…’  
Victor blinked in response, staring at the picture of Maccachin sticking his nose in the snow beside a big blue suitcase.  
Yuri took a deep breath and continued talking in a slightly higher voice, showing his panic. ‘Anyway, when the nurse came and spoke to me before they said that you can probably leave the hospital tomorrow but that your doctor would come back and explain the aftercare and stuff to you so you don’t have to stress about coming back in until you start your rehab…’ he ran out of steam here and without looking at Victor he started looking around the room, his eyes wandering almost feverishly.  
‘I’m glad you will be the one looking after me, Yuri.’ Victor looked down at their tangled fingers. ‘I certainly wouldn’t want anyone else rubbing my-’  
The door swung open rather quickly, with the nurse coming to do her observations. Yuri’s face turned quite pink when Victor’s sentence went unfinished.  
She asked if Victor would like some food after she had written the information down on a chart. Victor nodded and she left saying that there would be some sandwiches somewhere.  
Yuri who had been silent while she was in the room started spluttering as soon as she walked out. Victor grinned.  
‘I meant my sore back, from when I’m tired because I’ve been going around on crutches you silly thing!’  
‘Oh,’ was all Yuri said.  
Victor pulled on his arm, making him look into his eyes.  
‘I’m serious, I’m glad it's you.’  
Yuri’s smile was sweet. Victor would have kissed him if he wasn’t trapped on a hospital gurney, staring at him between the bars keeping him on the mattress.  
As though Yuri had read his mind, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Victor’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the very graphic depiction of Victor waking up from anaesthesia! that experience actually happened to me when i had my appendix out a few years ago, and it was super scary, because i honest to god couldnt understand why no one could understand what i was asking. then they also gave me morphine which made me bleed when i was throwing up.  
> did you know they dont use any stitches for closing up after having your appendix out anymore? yeah. the things you learn!
> 
> If you want to leave a comment then please do, im going to try harder to respond to people now, i am not good at knowing how to accept praise, but im going to do better, plus any suggestions, little headcannons, or whatever are welcome, im keen for ideas, since i know vaguely where this fic will end up, but i would like some other little bits and bobs to fill in the gaps, and whether you guys want mostly fluff or some smut thrown in, i need to hear from you!
> 
> THANKS AGAIN FOR READING!  
> i promise it wont be as long between updates this time.  
> unbeta'd


	5. Victor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor comes home and Yuri goes food shopping because Victor's house is empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi Pals™!  
> here i am with a new chapter that somehow just magically wrote itself in literally only about two hours.  
> and it hasnt been too long since i last updated!   
> this is crazy.  
> im just going to check if im sick. in the meantime here is the chapter.

The ride home had been bumpy and uncomfortable, and probably something that wouldnt have bothered victor a couple of days earlier. But after his surgery yesterday he felt as though all the nerves in his leg had been put on high alert and protested at the slightest movement that wasn’t directly supervised by Victor’s brain.

Now that he was in his apartment after having used the lift to his building for the first time in his life, he was greeted by a very anxious dog. Maccachin clearly didn't know how to get close with Victor leaning heavily on the crutches lodged under his arms, and the enormous brace on Victor’s knee.

Yuri went to work, moving his pillow and blanket on the couch to the coffee table while Victor stood in the doorway vacantly watching and wondering how he was going to get his snowy boots off.

Before he could ponder it, Yuri was back at his side, shooing Maccachin to his bed, and unlacing the boots while Victor stood there. Victor felt his face growing hot, an ugly kind of hot. He felt ashamed that Yuri was kneeling right here in front of him. But he shook his head and told himself to get over it.

Yuri pulled the mouths of the boots open as wide as he could so Victor could step out of them, and with a little effort and discomfort, Yuri managed to get Victor comfortably seated on the couch with a pillow propping up his knee and a blanket around his shoulders. The apartment was a little nippy but no one had been in it for two days except for maccachin, and when Victor wasnt home the thermostat was lowered to a manageable but cool temparature so that the dog wouldnt be uncomfortable but also so the power bill wasnt too high.

Yuri padded around the house gently, turning up the temparature on the thermostat, before cleaning the bottoms of Victor’s crutches and laying them beside the couch. He grinned at him before wordlessly going to the kitchen, boiling the kettle and getting out two mugs and two teabags.

‘What kind of food do you like to eat Victor?’

‘Hmm?’

‘I only ask because there is no food in your fridge, and I haven’t been able to locate a pantry.’

‘The pantry is the overhead cupboard next to the fridge,’ Victor said. ‘Though it wont have much…’

Yuri’s tutting gave Victor the response he knew was coming.

‘I dont normally eat at home actually, I usually eat meals out, or with people from the rink,’ Victor felt his cool demeanour fade and he actually felt a bit silly.

‘Really, after all the strife you put me through to eat such a strict meal plan.’

Victor felt his pride deflate a little but as Yuri placed the steaming mug of tea in his hand, Victor saw his grin and felt a little more at ease.

‘When I take Maccachin for his walk, I’ll grab some food for the next two or three days.’

‘Okay.’

‘What do you want to do?’

‘What?’

‘When I go, what are you going to get up to? I’ll probably be gone for an hour and a half or something.’

‘I dunno, I’ve got my phone, I’ll probably just see what is going on online.’

‘Okay.’

They drank the rest of their tea in comfortable silence. Yuri went to the bathroom quickly and after putting the mugs in the sink, he prepared Maccachin for his walk. The dog had been diligently sitting on his bed until Yuri told him it was time to go.

Funny, he could never get Maccachin to stay on his bed after he had asked more than a couple of times.

Yuri tugged his jacket on and gave Victor a kiss on the head as he grabbed Maccachin’s lead and wound his scarf around his neck, tucking his beanie under the edges of the scarf. He waved from the doorway and then he was gone.

The house was empty.

It was just Victor.

And then he remembered that this was why he had adopted Maccachin.

So he wouldn’t be lonely in an empty house with just him.

He picked up his phone and upon seeing the red ‘4’ on his text messages, and a red ‘11’ on emails he thought he would deal with all that first.

 

The first text was from Yakov.

_ Let me know when you are ready to talk about your skating plans. _

 

Nope.

 

_ Porky told me what happened. How could you make that kind of mistake? You should have just retired last year. _

 

Double nope. Yurio’s teenage angst could be written off the list as something he didn't want to deal with at all, any time, ever.

 

_ Yakov told me you hurt yourself. Let me know when you want to go out and drink away the pain ;) _

 

Mila was as much a heavyweight as he was, considering that they were both world class athletes. But he guessed the Russian really won through on that, they could be relied upon to hold their liquor.

 

_ Thanks Lastachka, will go swallowing shots with you sometime soon! _

 

The last message was short.

 

_ Disappointing _

 

Then there was a link to a news article about Victor’s bronze medal loss in his first competition after returning to skating. Victor’s mouth filled with a sour taste. 

There were so many feelings inside him that he didn't want to feel.

 

The emails were much the same, a couple of press contacts who had wanted to ask him some questions regarding his latest performance. A link or two from skating competitors who he wasn’t friendly enough with to share his phone number with. All asking him how he was, if something had happened. He deleted them all.

He opened instagram and was inundated with notifications of fans tagging him with grainy screen shots or pictures of a TV screen showing the moment he messed up his landing, or standing in third place on the podium. Either asking if he was okay with the loss or expressing their disappointment in their hero’s return to the ice.

Was that all he was to them? Some sort of symbol of perfection? Half of him was toying with the idea of retiring on the spot and just disappearing from the public eye altogether. The other half wanted to pound into the heads of these people that he wasn’t only a skater. That he was a real person.

Just then he received a picture message from Yuri. he was holding a packet of panko bread crumbs above the basket which contained a lot of rice, meat and a couple of small looking vegetables.

_ Look what I just found! I’ll make you a katsudon tonight to cheer you up! _

Victor sent back a string of emojis expressing his eagerness and happiness to eat Yuri’s katsudon.

Victor put his phone face down on the table and looked up, considering the empty apartment. It was nice and clean, just the way he liked it. There were a couple of photo frames on the TV cabinet that Victor didn't recognise and after spotting Yuri and his family or friends in each one, he realised that they actually weren’t his. They were the only things that were even vaguely interesting in the house.

Victor felt lonely again.

He hoped that Yuri wouldn’t be too long.

Then he realised he was pretty close to desperate to go to the toilet.

Victor took a deep breath and scooted himself to a sitting position and picking up his crutches, managed to stand up in one movement, without knocking his leg on anything.

With a higher level of difficulty, victor managed to maneuver himself into the bedroom and then the bathroom, but standing on one leg, using his crutches to hold himself up while trying to pee was a seriously high level activity.

A high level activity that he felt himself wobbling at. He was a skater who prided himself on his balance, so maybe it was just the pain meds, but he felt himself tipping slightly in either direction and despite his best efforts, he overcorrected and couldn’t save it. Which saw him falling sideways into the bath while mid stream, ripping the shower curtain off the rail, and the rail off the wall.

Somehow he had managed not to hit his bad leg on anything, but that was the extent of his luck. His clothes had gotten splattered with urine, and his bathroom was a complete disaster.

Plus he was stuck in his bath with one crutch under his body, threatening to rip his shoulder joint out of his socket and the other one was leaning on the side of the bath.

He was so embarrassed. He certainly didn't want Yuri to come home to this. But after two days of barely eating, he didn't have the strength to pull himself up.

And after two days of barely eating, and barely keeping it together, Victor felt a great big sob building in his chest, the lump in his throat preventing him from holding it back.

So he lay the wrong way in the bath, curled up in a less than comfortable way with his legs hanging out the side of the bath and cried. Waiting for the earth to crack open and swallow him whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> turns out im not sick! whoda guessed?  
> Okay im also really sorry for the ending and making Victor cry again. he is going to have to swallow this bitter pill soon, but he is really fighting it as hard as he can.  
> but are we all looking forward to some Yuri comfort next chapter?  
> also, i think the next chapter will be in Yuris pov, but we will see how it works out.  
> THANKS FOR READING AND COMMENTING AND MAKING SUGGESTIONS AND GIVING FEEDBACK!  
> you guys are legit the best.


	6. Yuri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri comes home and finds Victor in the bath, practically catatonic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again with a new chapter! Yay!!  
> i couldnt leave you guys hanging with victor so upset.  
> so here, some domestic fluffiness for you

When Yuri unlocked the apartment door and came inside, he was surprised at the quiet. Then he was even more surprised at the fact that Victor wasn’t on the couch where he was supposed to be. His phone was on the table, his crutches were gone.

‘Victor?’ Yuri called, pushing his shoes off without undoing the laces, and dumping the grocery bags just inside the entryway.

When there was no response Yuri ventured through the apartment, without stopping to peel off his outer, snowy, layer.

Victor wasn’t in the bedroom, which meant he had to be in the bathroom.

He knocked on the door. ‘Victor, are you in there?’

What he got as a response was a somewhere between a whimper and a sob.

The sound made him panic, and without a second thought he swung the door open quickly and pushed into the little bathroom, a shocked gasp when the door hit resistance and wouldn’t move further after only opening a few inches. Victor wasn’t on the toilet. He could see that far in, but in his coat he couldn’t wiggle his way into the room. He stripped off the dampening layer and threw it on the floor behind him.

‘Victor, are you okay?’

He didn't respond.

‘Victor, I need you to say something, so I know you are okay and I don’t have to call an ambulance.’

‘I’m here,’ his voice was raspy, like he had been coughing or crying too hard

Yuri pushed the door as far inward as it would go, and then he pushed himself through the narrow gap, grateful that he hadn’t put on any weight after the grand prix.

The sight that greeted him, broke his heart.

Victor half curled up in the bath, with the shower curtain torn and under him, his crutches in and out of the bath and his leg hanging over the edge. But it was Victor’s face. He was blankly staring ahead, his eyes red bloodshot and empty his cheeks blotchy and pink, his mouth drawn tight into a scowl, like he was angry at himself.

‘Victor, can you sorta, roll onto your back a bit so I can get my arms under you and lift you out?’

‘No.’

‘What do you mean no?’

‘I mean, that there is urine on my clothes and I don’t want you to touch them. It's disgusting.’

‘Oh.’ Yuri thought a bit harder. ‘Well, how about we strip them off you, and then we can get you out of the bath, and I’ll tidy up a bit, and then we can see about whether you want a bath, or a sponge bath?’

Victor scowled a bit more, his eyebrows furrowing, but he nodded.

‘Okay first thing’s first, let’s get this crutch out from under your arm.’ he pulled on the would be limb from between Victor’s body and arm, and instantly saw Victor’s face relax a bit. He put them both outside the door.

Then he helped victor into a sort of sitting position before unzipping his hoodie and helping him shed the dirty clothes. He left them in the floor of the bath, and then he pulled Victor onto the edge of the bathtub, by his arms.

Yuri put Victor’s arms around his shoulders and peeled his pants and underwear below his hips before seating him again and working the fabric gently over the brace on Victor’s left knee and letting them pool on the floor at his feet, before winding Victor’s arms around his neck again and helped him hobble out of the tiny room, before sitting him down on the bed.

Victor’s face, stayed heartbreakingly impassive while Yuri worked.

Yuri filled the sink with warm water and grabbed a washcloth from the rack by the bath and used it to clean Victor’s body. He helped him get the smell of the hospital off, the evidence of his fall, harder to remove, as he had a bruise blossoming on the right side of chest, and the inside of his arm from the crutch being there under pressure for such a long time.

Yuri looked up from his kneeling position to see Victor’s face was no longer blank, but closed and scrunched up, trying to hold something in. 

Yuri leaned in and wrapped his arms around Victor’s torso, resting his head against his bare chest, listening to his heart beat. Just for a moment, before he started raining little kisses all over Victor’s body. 

He lifted his right arm and kissed around the purple bruise, then he kissed his arm, all up and down from his shoulder to his wrist, before kissing his way across to his left shoulder, kissing up and down his arm again, and down his chest down his hip and his leg until he got to Victor’s knee, where he kissed everywhere he could reach around the brace.

He kissed his way down to Victor’s ankle, and lifted his other foot, to give the right leg the same treatment. When he had made his way up to Victor’s neck, he circled him and running his hands over Victor’s hair and face, he kissed his strong shoulders and back. Yuri came around to his front again, and kissing away the leftover tension on his face, finished with a kiss on his lips.

Here Yuri lingered, trying to tell Victor again, that he wasn’t going anywhere.

When he pulled back, Victor’s eyes were open, and much more alive than they were a few minutes prior. He looked like he might cry again, but it was better than him being a shell.

‘I’ll be right back.’

He went to the wardrobe and rifled through the drawers to find a pair of underwear, and brought back another pair of boxer briefs. Victor helped put his feet through the leg holes, and lifted his hand to put his arms around Yuri when it was time for the black fabric to be pulled up around his hips. Then Yuri pulled the covers back on the bed and helped Victor slide up to the top of the bed, where he propped his leg up on a pillow and wrapped him up in the covers.

‘Where’s Maccachin?’

‘How about he comes in for a cuddle while I cook dinner?’

Victor nodded.

Yuri kissed his forehead before getting off the edge of the bed and opening the bedroom door for Maccachin, who bounded up onto the bed, gently sniffing around and then curling up into victor’s side, his head leaning up onto his stomach.

Yuri smiled and went out to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this helped you guys, i know it made me feel a lot better, since leaving it open ended with victor upset was so hard for me!  
> anyway, not sure about what is happening in the next chapter, but we have some things that victor has to think about, so we'll have to see what comes next!


	7. Yuri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is wrong with Victor, and Yuri doesn't know what it is, but he takes action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, im feeling the guilt big time. i was so proud of myself for getting pretty well into a routine on writing and posting chapters, and then i just totally dropped the ball. and its been almost a month.  
> but i am sorry! i am back!!  
> as is the angst and suffering!  
> at least its a long chapter?

It had been a week since the the shower accident. Yuri was being as patient as he could with Victor, and to some extent it was easy, since he wanted cuddles, and loved Yuri’s cooking, and kept himself amused when Yuri had to go and practice his routine. But there was a level at which Yuri was losing patience. Victor hadn’t properly showered or bathed since the incident, he hadn’t shaved, he hadn’t called Yakov, he wasn’t eating unless Yuri waved the food under his nose, and he hadn’t begun the rehab stretches that the doctor had given him. 

He didn't even open the door for the tradespeople Yuri had booked to fix the shower curtain, and Yuri had had to rush home from the rink, leaving them standing in the hallway for nearly an hour.

Yuri knew that Victor was going through more than he was letting on, because on more than one occasion he had found Victor’s phone under his side of the mattress, with ignored text messages, emails and missed phone calls from days before.

‘Katsuki, focus!’ Yakov yelled. 

The rink was boisterous, and constantly flowing with energy. Yuri found himself unable to link in with the infectious nature of doing, instead feeling frustrated. He knew that the routine was missing something, but Yakov hadn’t been able to help Yuri fix it, his training focussed more on the physical aspect of the sequences, rather than the driving force and motivation behind it. Which was what Yuri was unsure about.

Victor had choreographed this routine, and he would know what it was lacking. But Yuri wasn’t sure whether bringing Victor to the rink would be a good idea. It could fuel him into making the changes that he needed to look at returning to the ice. But it could push him backwards and see him leaving the rink forever.

The triple flip was landed flawlessly and he felt himself make the final movements in the step sequence before coming to a stop. Then he slid towards the edge of the rink, it was Mila’s turn to use it for her full routine run through.

‘It’s almost there, Yuri!’ she said clapping his shoulder as she sped past him on the ice.

Yuri shook his head, and clipped the blade protectors onto his skates as he stepped through the barrier. Yakov was standing there when he looked up.

‘Vitya still hasn’t called,’ he said, his face settled into it's usual grim expression, his eyes however had a different sort of tug at the edges. Maybe he was worried too. ‘The press have been hounding me as to why they haven’t seen him since his performance at the Russian Championships. I can’t hold them off any more, I’m going to have to tell them today.’

Yuri felt his lips press together tightly. He nodded in agreement. ‘Thank you for always looking after Victor.’

His shallow bow a remnant of home, put Yuri’s sightline straight on Yakov’s hands as his fingers drummed nervously on the side of his leg. Then he grunted and walked away, phone in hand, staring onto the rink where Mila was moving through the middle step sequence lazily.

Yuri steered himself to the locker room and unlaced his skates. They were starting to wear out on the inside of the ankle, and if he didn't want to end up hurting himself he would have to buy a new pair fairly soon. He wondered if he would be able to afford it by the end of the month.

‘What’s up, Porky?’ Yurio’s bag smashed down right beside Yuri’s leg as the teen pulled open a locker and started peeling off his layers of outdoor clothing.

‘Want to come over for dinner after practice?’ Yuri said, surprising himself.

‘Eh, sounds suspicious,’ Yurio said, his voice muffled as his black and lime green tiger print sweater came over his head. ‘I’ll bite. Be there around six.’

‘Sounds good.’ Yuri stacked his skates in his locker and pulled out his backpack, heading for the showers.

 

When he got home, carrying a bag of groceries, Victor was lying asleep on the couch. The sour smell of unwashed clothes and sweaty skin seemed to fill the room. The television was blaring a russian soap opera and the curtains were drawn closed. It felt like the central heating had been turned up again.

Maccachin followed Yuri as he sorted through the vegetables, preparing some for the meal he was planning to cook, and some went into the fridge. Then Yuri grabbed his keys and phone, before clipping the dog’s lead to his collar and taking him down the stairs to the park across the road and letting the dog run around for a while.

He was dreading going back. And although it was only 4:30, the darkness of night was setting in and he really had to get back before he lost Maccachin. He sat on the park bench, listening to the dog run through the snow and wondered what the best way to get Victor to shower and change before Yurio’s arrival would be. 

He had been avoiding the young russian’s questions and attempts to contact Victor through him for the better part of the week, and he was so tired. Plus if Yakov was talking to the press tonight, the story would be out tomorrow, and Yuri thought it would be better if Yurio heard it from them.

Part of Yuri was quietly hoping that maybe, just maybe, Yurio would say something that would get Victor moving again. The last two nights, Victor had even refused to move from the couch, saying that sleeping in bed was uncomfortable, leaving Yuri in the unfamiliar bed, by himself.

Checking the screen of his phone for the time, Yuri was surprised to see it was already after five. He called the dog and clipping the lead back to the collar, he let the dog lead him home.

When he opened the door, the TV was now playing a russian shopping show. They jewellery didn't sound like it was that good, because the presenter was particularly nasally, and since Yuri had nothing else to go off, he deemed that he wouldn’t buy it. Not that he would have bought it anyway.

‘Victor, it's time to wake up.’ he said, gently shaking his shoulder.

Victor grunted and groaned. His eyes screwed up and his lips pursed.

‘Come on,’ Yuri said again.

Under the week old beard that was starting to cover the bottom half of his face, yuri was surprised to see that his cheeks were a bit sunken. His greasy hair was in desperate need for a trim, since it was starting to curl from the oils and the lines around victor’s eyes that were usually only visible when he smiled, seemed larger in the sallow light from the TV screen.

For the first time, Yuri looked at Victor and thought he looked old.

That was shocking to Yuri. Was he doing enough to look after him? Why was he looking so different. Yuri was almost afraid to see what had happened to his body in the last week. Yuri thought he was eating the meals he had been cooking. What if he hadn’t been? He took a shaky breath and pulled his glasses off.

‘Victor! It’s time to wake up!’ he said, his voice was louder than he intended it to be. He shouldn’t justify it, but he was this close to having a panic attack.

‘What is it Yuri?’ he mumbled, his voice hoarse and quiet.

‘Yurio is coming over for dinner, and you need to have a shower, and get changed.’ Yuri said, putting his glasses down on the coffee table. Everything was blurry but he felt like he needed it to be that way so he wouldn’t see Victor’s body and burst into tears.

‘Why did you invite him over?’ Victor asked.

‘Because it's been over a week, Victor, you haven’t washed, you haven’t brushed your teeth, you haven’t shaved, you’ve barely eaten, and starting today, I'm not going to let you do that anymore. So get up!’ Yuri could hear himself fast losing his cool.

He stomped to the bedroom and grabbed a pair of tracksuit pants, a nice t-shirt, a soft but handsome knitted cardigan and clean underwear and put them on the edge of the vanity in the bathroom. Then he turned on the tap in the shower so that the water would be hot by the time he got Victor into it. Then he stomped back into the living room, took a chair from the table and put it in the bedroom, beside the bathroom door.

When he walked back into the living room this time, he walked into the corner of the couch, causing his thigh to smart, but at least Victor was sitting up now. Yuri couldn’t tell what expression was on his face, because everything was blurry.

‘Are you coming to the shower or do I have to make you go?’

‘I can’t get in the shower Yuri, I’ll kill myself.’

‘You won’t, because I’ll go with you.’

‘No.’

‘That’s it, Victor.’ Yuri picked the taller man up princess style, and carried him into the bedroom. He was lighter than when they did the exhibition skate. Yuri tried not to think about how much that frightened him. He put him down on the bed and started stripping his clothes off. Victor tried to fight him, but it didn't do much and eventually he gave up. Yuri was more careful with Victor’s pants and underwear, so he didn't hurt his knee.

Yuri followed suit by stripping himself down to nothing. He quickly stood and took two clean towels down from the shelf behind the door, stacking them on top of the clothes he picked out for Victor, as well as a clean hand towel, which he placed on the floor of the shower so that neither he nor Victor would slip.

Then he went back to Victor. The bandages had to be removed from his knee so that he could shower, and frankly, Yuri was surprised that Victor didn't have an infection since the bandages felt pretty dirty and stretched out. Victor had told him he was changing the bandages.

Something broke inside Yuri then. It was him. He wasn’t doing enough to help Victor. 

He took Victor’s arms and pulled him up to standing. Then he turned them around so Victor could shuffle forwards into the bathroom, with Yuri supporting him in front.

They stepped over the side of the bathtub until they were under the hot water and Victor gasped. Then Yuri pulled the shower curtain across and got to work. He took the shampoo and lathered up Victor’s hair, then Victor rinsed it out, running his fingers through it.

‘It needs another wash,’ he said.

‘Alright,’ Yuri gave him the shampoo bottle and then picked up the soap. And they worked together. As Yuri scrubbed Victor’s body, he tried not to notice that his muscles were softening, and that his bones seemed a little more exposed. He tried not to count the ribs. 

By the time Yuri got to victor’s hips and legs, he was almost in tears. Without his glasses there had been no warning for what he would be seeing with his hands. But he needed to get on with it. Victor needed him. He scrubbed more gently, so that Victor’s balance wasn’t shaken, and so that he didn't push too hard near Victor’s injury. He could see the incision, which didn't look infected, and the bruise that was beginning to yellow on either side of his kneecap.

‘Yuri,’ said Victor. ‘Can I wash your hair?’

Yuri nodded and stayed kneeling, so that it wouldn’t strain Victor to maintain his balance. Even going through everything that he was going through, he could still be this tender. Yuri felt so stupid. 

The shampoo washed down the drain and Victor smoothed some conditioner into Yuri’s hair before rinsing the conditioner out of his own hair. Yuri stood up and very quickly scrubbed himself down with the soap and rinsed his hair and his body, before turning off the tap. 

Sliding the new shower curtain open, Yuri took the first towel and wrapped it around his waist. Then he took the second towel and began drying Victor’s body. When he wasn’t dripping wet, Yuri helped him step out of the shower and helped to dry him off completely.

Then he helped Victor into his clean underwear and gave him his t-shirt to handle himself while he grabbed the chair from outside the bathroom door and set it in front of the sink, settling Victor onto it, he gave him the shaving cream and razor, before grabbing a clean bandage from the hospital bag in the kitchen.

He wrapped Victor’s knee up and dressed quickly. Once Victor had finished shaving, Yuri helped him into his tracksuit pants before running the hair dryer over his hair. Yuri helped Victor out to sit at the dining table with his leg up on the spare chair and Victor pulled the chunky cardigan over his t-shirt.

Yuri put his glasses back on as he got to work putting the dirty blanket from the couch into the washing machine with Victor’s dirty clothes.

Then he got the saucepan out and started on the broth he needed for their dinner.

‘Yuri,’ said Victor.

Then there was a knock at the door.

‘Never mind. What’s for dinner?’

‘Hot Pot,’ Yuri said with a smile, as he went to open the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. please forgive me.  
> This chapter was hard to write, and its pretty emotionally packed. next chapter we will find out a little bit more about what is going on in Victor's head, but it will be from Yuri's POV again.  
> sorry if Yuri seemed a little OOC this chapter, he was really frustrated, and he didnt know how to handle it.  
> as usual this is unbeta'd and you are more than welcome to leave suggestions or feedback in the comments!  
> thanks for reading!


	8. Yuri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an argument with Victor, Yuri runs to the only place he knows he can let his feelings be bigger than him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, im so sorry its been such a long time between chapters!!!!  
> but here, have another one.  
> sorry its super emotionally charged and full of russian, (which i will put translations for in the notes at the end of the chapter)  
> one more chapter from Yuri's POV and then we can get inside Victor's head.

‘What is wrong with him?’ Yurio was leaving and had pulled Yuri into the hallway to talk.

‘I, I don’t really know. I think he might be mourning or something?’ Yuri rubbed his hands together against the cold.

‘I’ve never seen him like this before,’ Yurio pulled at the scarf ends poking out the front of his jacket. ‘Want me to ask Coach Yakov?’

‘I don’t know if I'm that close to my wits end, to be honest.’

He grunted in acknowledgement.

‘Look, I can’t stay out here and chat. I'm sure he is on his phone again, and Yakov spoke to the press today. I’ll see you at the rink tomorrow, okay?’

‘Yeah. Later.’

Yuri watched him stalk to the stairwell and swing the heavy door open before he turned and reentered the apartment. It was quiet. Maccachin was snoozing on the couch and Victor was on his phone. Just staring at something.

‘Hey, that wasn’t too bad, was it?’ Yuri was hoping that he had enjoyed dinner.

‘What the hell is this, Yuri?’

‘What?’

‘This. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?’ he turned the screen and waved his phone at Yuri.

Yuri cupped his hands and squinted at the tiny print on the phone.

**_Victor Nikiforov: Retiring?_ **

_ The skating star has been strangely absent from the public since his disappointing third place finish at the Russian Championships, prior to christmas. After a year spent coaching the Japanese skater, Yuri Katsuki, many hailed this return to the rink as the return of the legend. However this afternoon, the Nikiforov’s coach, Yakov Feltsman revealed the reason for Nikiforov’s absence. _

_ ‘During the short program performance, a serious injury occurred, which has left Victor unable to return to the ice.’ Feltsman said that the injury was sustained when Nikiforov landed his second to last quad. ‘The injury is serious enough that it would see a younger skater off the ice for at least two or three years, but Victor’s case is different and he will be unable to return to the ice to skate professionally. _

_ ‘It’s a great loss to the world skating community, but Victor is still a part of the community and will have many more years to improve and grow the next generation of skaters.’  _

_ At this point the nature of … _

The screen was yanked out of his hand at that moment, and Yuri was left to look at Victor’s face. It was screwed up into an expression that Yuri had never seen on his face before. His mouth was drawn downward, his eyebrows squeezed together, his eyes ablaze and quickly filling with tears.

‘I- I…’ Yuri was floundering, he didn't have any time to get his thoughts together before Victor was speaking in super speed english and russian.

‘WHAT IS THIS? Why is it that I am the last to find out about this shit? Kakoy trakh idet? You decided to come home and put on this zhalkiy dinner, and you invited that conniving little cat over here and thought we could just play happy family without even telling me about this shit? o chem vy dumali? HOW COULD YOU? TY VOOBSHCHE LYUBISH' MENYA?’

Yuri just stood there dumbfounded. He was doing his best to try and follow the Russian that Victor was throwing at him, and the more he heard he just felt all the little pieces of himself that he had put away the last three weeks, all the pieces that were broken and cracked, falling out of the little box, falling into view again, reminding him that he was heartbroken before tonight. He was falling apart as well, and Victor wasn’t able to save him this time.

Victor’s face was opening up more, and Yuri couldn’t tell if he was getting angrier or sadder. ‘How could you hang me out to dry like that, without even talking to me first?’ his voice was hoarse from yelling.

Then Yuri snapped back into the present. ‘WITHOUT TALKING TO YOU? I don’t know if you have noticed Victor, but the last week has been hell. Without talking to you? I would have had more success getting a response out of the ocean!’ Yuri felt the sadness recede for once. He felt like his chest was on fire and his throat could close over at any second, but he had to say something first.

‘I get that this is hard, I can see you fighting it every day. But you know what? Maybe if you stopped fighting the facts, and stopped fighting me, maybe we could look at actually fighting together!’

‘Fighting you? ty durak?’

Yuri cut him off. ‘YES, FIGHTING ME, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO TELL YOU ANYTHING, LET ALONE GET YOU TO LOOK LIKE YOU ARE FUNCTIONING WHEN YOU WON’T EVEN SEE WHO IS ON YOUR SIDE?’

Victor just sat in the chair, his phone, still in his hand began ringing. He didn't even look at it. His face was red and blotchy, and blank.

‘You know what? I need a time out.’ Yuri stalked to the door, grabbed his coat, hat, scarf and keys, shoving everything into his pockets as he jammed his feet into the first pair of shoes he could, and stomped out the door, slamming it behind him.

He ran down the stairs two at a time, incredulous that he didn't trip, since his shoelaces were swinging everywhere. Every step he took made it more apparent that these were not his shoes, Victor’s were about two sizes too big. By the time he pushed out into the weather, he had managed to wrap his scarf haphazardly around his neck and face, and facing the blustery snowy cold, he pulled his hat over his ears and stuffed his hands in his pockets and started walking.

He didn't really know where he was going to be honest, he just had to get away, had to breathe, had to have some time in his life that wasn’t all about Victor.

Oh my God. He had just run out on Victor. Oh my God, oh my God, holy shit, fuck, shiiiiiiitttttt! What was he thinking?  _ What was he thinking!?! _ He couldn’t just leave Victor alone like that, he could do something stupid!

Yuri turned around and started walking back to the apartment building. He looked up at it, the tall blocky thing, windows lit up on every floor. He stopped walking. Yuri’s face felt extremely cold. But also hot at the same time. He pulled a hand from it's refuge and touched his cheeks. They were wet. He was crying.

He turned around again and started walking faster this time, staring at the ground, willing his heart to stop aching. When he looked up again, he was at the rink. The light was still on inside. The big clock above the front desk said it wasn’t past nine yet. He went in and put on his skates.

The ice was being zambonied and Yakov stood with Georgio arms crossed while the skater unlaced the skates. Yuri tried to not draw attention, and went to the edge of the ice, waiting for the zamboni to vacate before he stepped out.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been skating when he saw that Yakov was standing there watching him. Yuri took a deep breath and drifted across the ice to see him.

‘Here’s a spare key for the staff entrance. Be sure to lock it when you leave,’ he put the key down on the edge of the barrier, his thumb lingering. Yuri thought he was going to say something else, but the older man just turned his back and waved over his shoulder saying: ‘don’t stay too late.’

Yuri pushed himself back out and began skating for his life.

He felt desperate, he felt angry, he felt sad, and he felt invisible. None of that was new, not really. But he felt another emotion, one he hadn’t felt for a while welling up inside him. Fear. He felt so terrified. Was he going to lose Victor over this? Would he quit as his coach? Or break up with him? Was he good enough for Victor? Could he ever skate in a way that would show Victor he was serious enough to fill the gap he left in their division? Or worse? The next time he was in competition, would he be the one going to hospital? Would he disappoint Victor so much?

Yuri pushed himself harder, growing a new routine, formulating a new sequence of jumps and choreography. Growing numb, growing harder, forcing himself to get stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW! what a rollercoaster.  
> next chapter will be considerably less emotionally full on, and will be a little less dramatic.  
> im hoping to keep on writing it fairly quickly, so with any luck you wont have to wait too long for the next chapter.
> 
> Translations!!  
> Kakoy trakh idet? - what the fuck is going on?  
> zhalkiy - pathetic  
> o chem vy dumali? - what were you thinking?  
> TY VOOBSHCHE LYUBISH' MENYA? - do you love me at all?  
> ty durak? - are you stupid?
> 
> sorry again for the long break!!! becoming a parent is so hard!!  
> anyway...  
> once again, this is unbeta'd so feel free to leave comments and suggestions or stuff you would like to see in the comments. all here for ideas!!

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for the really short first chapter... however, Im adding the second chapter up right away!!!!


End file.
